dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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