my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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