the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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