You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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