i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Randomize
