please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
