Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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