Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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