Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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