everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
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You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
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i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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