I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
