would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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