She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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