No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
