I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
