Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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