I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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