she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
they need to just BURY HIM!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
