Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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