Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
