Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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