she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
