Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
