And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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