Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
