help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
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I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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