dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
