My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
