Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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