Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
