And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I understand Curling. That high.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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