I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
