she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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