Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
