I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
