When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
