Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
