On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
