we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
