I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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