I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
