i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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