It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We need to rekindle our bromance
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You are the jesus of drinking
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
