i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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