is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
