I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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