I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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