There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
