Texts From Last Night

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  (253): View more from Washington

  I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.

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  (253): I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then. http://tfl.nu/hci4
  Replies (9) Good night (2326) Bad night (604)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed

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  (412): I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed http://tfl.nu/d0u5
  Replies (55) Good night (886) Bad night (3460)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker

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  (330): She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker http://tfl.nu/3dfg
  Replies (36) Good night (847) Bad night (5338)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America

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  (513): just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America http://tfl.nu/08yj
  Replies (23) Good night (7129) Bad night (1502)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me

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  (215): I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me http://tfl.nu/08l6
  Replies (16) Good night (1349) Bad night (3638)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?

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  (765): She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards? http://tfl.nu/6kdc
  Replies (11) Good night (3790) Bad night (1073)
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light

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  (862): That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light http://tfl.nu/4kbw
  Replies (6) Good night (877) Bad night (2678)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.

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  (678): Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask. http://tfl.nu/uqhe
  Replies (16) Good night (2758) Bad night (684)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.

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  (240): She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am. http://tfl.nu/ir0l
  Replies (19) Good night (849) Bad night (1329)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.

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  (412): Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently. http://tfl.nu/q1xe
  Replies (1) Good night (1031) Bad night (837)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?

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  (512): I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high? http://tfl.nu/rga0
  Replies (3) Good night (878) Bad night (470)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.

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  (520): This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina. http://tfl.nu/8kic
  Replies (9) Good night (932) Bad night (378)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador

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  (907): Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador http://tfl.nu/015q
  Replies (4) Good night (1225) Bad night (401)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.

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  (616): I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit. http://tfl.nu/as8y
  Replies (1) Good night (890) Bad night (299)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.

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  (214): In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman. http://tfl.nu/e6dh
  Replies (0) Good night (716) Bad night (320)

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