Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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