We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
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Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
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She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten