Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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