you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
