based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
