Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
