why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
