My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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