he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
