I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
