low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
