She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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