His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
