I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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