Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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