So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
