If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
