Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
