the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
this boner is exhausting
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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