Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
