I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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