Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
