I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize