There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
