So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
