Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We got so high we made milksteak
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
