How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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