Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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