Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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