i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize