what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
