highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
