If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
