i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
