my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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