Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
