k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
