He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
