just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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