if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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