So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
